If you’re fighting to save a marriage that your spouse doesn’t want to save, at some point the hurt is going to convert to anger and frustration. This is normal and part of the process of standing. But allowing that anger to take root will make it difficult to ever save your marriage because your spouse will sense the tension and frustration and will likely run farther away from you.

However, showing love and goodness to those who expect the opposite from you (especially if they feel they deserve the opposite) can have an incredible effect on them as well as on you.

Loving those seemingly unworthy gives you an incredible sense of peace and joy amidst what may be the most difficult time in your life. It also provides a welcoming atmosphere to the one who has strayed far from home.

Maybe your situation is one where you’ve messed up your marriage and your spouse no longer trusts you. Maybe it’s the other way around. No matter the situation, there is no better way to show your willingness to receive them back home than to love when you’ve been hurt and show kindness when it has not been shown to you.

You won’t be able to dictate when or if they will be receptive to your love. That’s not your choice to make. It may take days or even years if they are hardened to you right now. But you cannot lose by always showing love. Your choice is not when they change, but it is when you love. That is true love. That is the love Jesus has shown to you.

If you want a daily step-by-step guide to walk with you as you stand for the healing of your marriage that will help you as you seek to overcome hurt, anger, depression, control and others during the stand for your marriage, check out the new Guide & Journal called Standing for My Marriage. It ships the end of this week and still available to pre-order at only $9.95 or only $23 when combined with the paperback copy of Seth’s Seashell Methods of Marriage. It will take you through the journey of standing for your marriage and how, in 8 weeks, to move toward a better, more God-centered life.

Have a great week no matter what you feel today!

Seth

When a marriage is falling apart, hurt is usually the first emotion felt. It hurts to feel like you’ve failed as a husband or a wife. It hurts to know that the person you were so in love with is no longer in love with you. It hurts to realize all the things you could have done but are now too late to do to save your marriage from getting to this point.

Yes, you deal with a lot of hurt. So what do you do to overcome this hurt and move forward toward trying to save your marriage?

1) Understand that hurt is a part of the process and accept it, but also move away from lingering and focusing on the hurt.

2) Know that the feeling of betrayal can either consume you or make you stronger.

3) Rely on God’s grace and His strength to help you overcome the hurt and convert it to joy. You can do this by spending time reading His word and seeing how, throughout the Scriptures, God has turned those with many reasons to be angered and hurt into some of His most effective followers.

4) Don’t go through it alone. Find those that are close friends (of the same sex) to talk with. But make sure not to hang around negative people, but instead become accountability partners with those who will walk with you through this time with encouragement and strength.

As you learn to convert the hurt, anger, worry, depression and other emotions that you feel while standing for your marriage to positive emotions you will increase the likelihood of saving your marriage.

Want a daily, step-by-step guide to help you while standing for your marriage? Shipping the first week of March is a new standers workbook called “Standing for My Marriage – The 8-week Step-by-Step Guide and Journal that walks with you as you stand for the healing of your marriage”.

You can pre-order it now and save $5 off the normal $14.95 list price. If you want to combine the order with my first book Seth’s Seashell Methods of Marriage you can do so for just $23. And, as always, if you order it from the SeashellMarriage.com website I’ll pay to ship it to you.

To order, go here http://seashellmarriage.com/store/

Only 25% of all married couples in America consider their marriage to be good or great. 75% say their marriage is either falling apart or they would not be surprised if they do not remain married for the rest of their life. It starts with one person…you, making the decisions to do what’s right even if you feel you are not being treated right yourself. Even if you are already separated you can find hope by learning how to love again and treating your spouse, even if they’re not at home, with love, honor and respect.

No words can convict the spouse that has left and encourage their return home more than living a changed life in front of them; showing your love for them even though you don’t feel it returned to you right now.

Have a blessed week…and take a look at the new book…the Guide & Journal. It will walk with you as your stand for your marriage!

Seth

In my upcoming book Standing for My Marriage, The Step-by-Step Daily Guide and Journal for Developing a Better Life and a Healed Marriage I outline the ten major concerns faced when standing in faith for your marriage to be saved, healed and restored and how to overcome each of them. One of the most communicated messages that I see every day from those in need of a miracle to save their marriage is that of a feeling of fear. Most often, fear of the unknown.

We all deal with it from time to time in our life as we encounter struggles. This can be with the loss of a job or of moving to a new city away from the familiar and into the unknown. But when it’s within a marriage the fear is even more dramatic. For many it is based on years of marriage; a life that even though it may have seemed far from perfect was still your life, one that you were accustomed to and being without it seems a fear to great to even think about. When you do think about it as a possible reality the fear takes hold and is hard to release.

While the fear may seem well founded, there are many problems with letting it play out regularly in your mind. I am certainly not suggesting that you ignore reality and live in a world of denial, but accepting what is and being consumed with fear of what might be are two different things.

You can choose to walk day by day or you can choose to allow each day to be filled with anxiety and fear over an outcome that you cannot control (even though you may think you can). It is your choice.

Without doubt there will be times when you hear words from your spouse that twist your stomach in a knot or times that you find out about gossiping lips with you as the subject. You may read divorce papers or hear words of “I never loved you” or “I love you, but I’m not in love with you”. The reaction too many times is fear that you’re going to lose, that it’s all over, they’ve made up their mind and there’s nothing you can do. Maybe that’s correct. Maybe it’s not. Since you don’t get to write the end of their story, you actually don’t know what will happen tomorrow, next week, next month or year. So why do people spend so much time worrying about it…allowing that negative energy to take hold of the positive steps they’ve made in their life so far?

It’s not uncommon for me to hear from those standing for their marriage who a few months ago could have no communication with their spouse; arguments, fights and divorce were the only discussion but just a few months later were talking again and even dating.

Time changes many things. When you incorporate God in that time the impossible becomes possible.

Don’t spend time fearing the future, even just tomorrow. Worry and fear hurt you and negate the time and effort you’ve put in to changing your thoughts and your decisions to trust, to have faith, love and hope. Don’t allow all the progress in your life to be slowed down by something you can’t even control.

When fear enters…stop, breathe, know that your faith is not in you or even in your spouse; it’s in God. Think of happier times. Then…smile. Making that effort can turn your entire day around.

Remember the words of Deuteronomy 31:6

Deuteronomy 31:6 NKJV
Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.

God bless you this week!

Seth

Strength is available to all who seek it. Encouragement to stand against wrong or to fight against evil is all over God’s word. From the beginning when God told the serpent that He would ultimately crush him, to David slaying the unthinkable in Goliath. For those standing for their marriage scriptures of Gomer come to mind as well as the knowledge that God hate divorce. When you open God’s word, strength can be found in every situation. You can read David’s Songs throughout Psalms and relate his frustration, concerns, life, deliverance and ultimate love for his Creator to almost every aspect of your own daily life. God’s strength is everywhere.

Then why are we such a discouraged people? Why, when we see stories told in God’s word that are clearly shown to represent faith and ultimate triumph to us are we so easily bent toward being discouraged in our own life?

I’m sure the answer partially lies in knowing God’s word, but struggling to know is was AND it is. Struggling to understand “Tell them I AM sent you” (God telling Moses to return to Pharaoh and deliver his people from Egypt). If hearing “I AM” doesn’t send chills down your spine I can’t think of what would. Before Abraham was……..I AM.

Our struggle comes in understanding that I AM does not mean I was. It doesn’t mean I would, it means I WILL. It means that when God sets His mind, His will is accomplished and there is great victory and hope in that message!

The other reason I believe we are discouraged instead of filled with hope and victory is the church of Jesus has forgotten this same message. Our family, preachers, ministers have tried to preach God’s word for centuries but as our culture tends to move away from God and they see divorces and heartache come faster than they can begin to help, they lose hope as well that marriages can be saved and indeed they are. Our encouragement, instead of being “Fight and save your marriage until God releases you from that burden” becomes “You’ll be okay in time, and who knows, maybe it’s for the best”.

Why do we meet together at with our body of believers? Why are we shown and encouraged not to forsake coming together as Christians? Why are we told to encourage one another in the Lord daily? Our relationship with Jesus is personal, it’s not corporate, yet He asks us to meet together, worship together, break bread together. Why? Because we weren’t created to do it alone. This journey, though very personal, is in need of others to grow. When we are discouraged the FIRST place we ought to be able to go is to our church. When we’re depressed every friend that is a believer ought to surround us with joy and life and pray with us and fight with us. We are to do it together. Again, why? One reason…a discouraged Christian is of no use to the world that so needs Christ and His encouragement. We are to encourage each other so that we can encourage those in the world that need the Light of Jesus! We can’t do that while we can’t even find encouragement to stand for our own marriage and family.

Yes, marriages fall apart, yes divorces happen, yes every marriage is not saved…but until you know that you have done all…STAND. Be encouraged, wait on the Lord for He will renew your strength.

For those standing for your marriage that don’t know about this group…I spent some time Tuesday in Nashville, TN with Joe Beam and his staff at LovePath International. These guys save marriages. That’s what they do. They save un-savable marriages every day with a success rate that blows the mind and I’ve seen Joe do this for over a decade. Tens of thousands of marriages (almost all of them 1 spouse was currently in an affair, abandoned the family, no interest in the marriage, etc) have walked away with a better marriage than when they married after this 3 day intense seminar.

Think your spouse would never come? That’s what they do. If you’re interested in LovePath and want more info call Marty. He’s a personal friend and the Sr. Vice President of LovePath International. He can help lead you to saving your marriage. You can call him at 866-903-0990. Ask for Marty and just tell him that you know Seth Cox at MarriageWalk. He’ll make sure you’re taken care of, even if you just have questions on how to save your marriage.

God bless you this week. Stay encouraged and stay the course.

Seth

How to find the strength to stand for your marriage’s healing and generating enough faith to hold on is probably the question that I’m asked more than any other from standers. It’s because it is a real question that’s built on real fear of forever losing someone you’ve invested so much heart, love, time, energy and trust in. For many today, that love has been crushed. So, just how do you find strength?

First you have to determine where your strength is generated from. The Apostle Paul has insight to answer that question:

2 Corinthians 12:7-10 (NIV)

To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Our inability to know the future, or to know what to do next when our life seems to crumble around us is a natural one. Jesus asked that his cup pass from Him, Peter denied Jesus when forced to make a decision and Paul reminds us that it is in our own weakness that we are made strong.

Our strength does not come from our surroundings. We are not taught in God’s Word that what we see with our natural eyes is truth. They are merely facts. The truth is determined by forces outside of what we see. God is always working.

A wise man that meant a great deal to me once said to me “The truth is more important than the facts”. I stopped, debated him that the two were synonymous two which he smiled and encouraged me to think about it. As is my nature I began seeking to find the meaning to that puzzling statement asking those around me that all seemed to say “they mean the same thing”. But as I continued playing it through in my mind I found a greater meaning…truth is all encompassing. Facts make up truth, but truth is greater than facts alone. The facts said that Paul and Silas were in a prison that was locked and fully guarded. Truth said that yes, Paul and Silas were in prison, but God had the last word. Truth proved more important than the surrounding facts did once the doors were opened and they walked free.

Yes, the facts may say that your marriage cannot be saved, it is too far gone. But what does truth say? Truth says that “with God, all things are possible to him that believes”.

Do you stand or do you move on? You pray, you ask God for guidance and you listen, even through the storm. “Peace, be still” be may just around the corner.

God bless you this week. Be positive, be encouraged, and love like you’ve never loved before.

Seth