We all have our views; our understanding of life, God (and His Word), marriage and even our view of ourselves. We live most of our lives with our core value system defined by our upbringing or by a decision later in life to alter what we believe and who we choose to be and how we decide to act. No one forces us to act or behave other than us.

We typically find a spouse based on who we are and what we expect them to be. We are also often times wrong in our assumptions and there is rarely a clearer way to find this out than to get married and life live with another person. The things we thought we knew so much about we tend to realize there is another, just as strong, point of view.

So we either reconcile our views based on other evidence or we “agree to disagree”. Other times our views and others’ views appear irreconcilable and lead to decisions we never dreamed about earlier in our life.

Marriage problems usually start this way. We can’t see these differences because we are so “in love” or more often, in limerance (the stage commonly referred to as ‘infatuation’). But that ends and real life kicks in and now tough decisions remain. This is where true love comes in.
You’re probably reading this right now because you’ve experienced pretty close to what I’ve described above in your own marriage (and you’re probably wishing your spouse was the one reading this). But the real question today is if you are in the way of seeing the truth about you. All of us have to ask this question. Not only within our marriage but also our daily life and especially in our walk with Christ.

Take a look at what Paul says is his life in Galatians chapter 2

“I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.

If we want our marriage to be loving, sustaining and fulfilling and we want our lives to be lived with purpose and vigor and more than anything, love, we have to get out of our own way and know that it is not me that is important, but God in me that should drive my way and light my path.

If we would live in the humility of the Cross we would see a change in our lives, our marriages and our testimonies. Our churches would be filled with enthusiasm, excitement and Christ-driven evangelism to win the lost, not with our great sermons but with our incredible love for His people and our lives lived in ways that show our commitment to Him.

But until, as individuals, we can get over ourselves and our pride and see that without God we are nothing but with Him we are driven with passion and purpose and vision, our marriages will continue to fail and our lives will continue to fall away from God’s plan for us.

This week can we all find ways to overcome ourselves so that we may see God more clearly? It is the best way to save the marriages that are hurting and to reconcile our life to the life God desires for us.

Seth

Another Christmas has come and gone and a new year has arrived just as quickly as the last year faded away. Thinking back on 2009 I’ve no doubt you can find much joy also mixed with some heartache and sadness. Everyone feels this way, whether you’ve lost a loved one or gone through a troubled time (or times) in your marriage. The question comes in what happens next; what do we do now?

2010. It even feels strange writing it. Where were you when the clock struck midnight a decade ago as many wondered if our local and national systems would fail creating utter chaos as some predicted. What has happened in your life in the last decade? What happened 10 years ago that you can look at today and have predicted? Probably not too much. That’s because life has its own way of being; its own way of bringing changes. Ten years from today will be no different than that. There will be new challenges, new joy, new hope, new sadness and new circumstances. What will you do today that will bring inspiration to a new decade? Will you allow the hardships recently suffered to dictate the rest of your life or will you decide, today, to overcome the darkness and to find the Light and follow It?

Holidays are trying times for most everyone. When you’re hurting inside it can be even worse. When your family is apart you often just want them over with. But what do you do now that they are? Here are a few of my thoughts. What are some of yours?

1) Find a way to show love and compassion to those who need it. You will soon overcome your own heartache when you give of yourself and focus on others.

2) Remain thankful, no matter how your mind wants to feel. Thankfulness breeds reasons to be thankful. Want more reasons to be thankful? Start being thankful for what you already have!

3) Read God’s Word and meditate on it, in silence. Try not to ask God “why?” and instead, just let God be God and allow your silence create rest and peace in your soul. Allow His word to not just touch your surface but to get deep inside you.

4) Love, love, love. Without preconditions, without judgment, without labels, without titles. Love for wholeness. Love for your sake and for the sake of everyone else. Show it, believe it and you will become it. You can love the unlovable, allow yourself to begin to show it. The desire will begin to follow.

5) Set goals to become a better person and a better spouse. Make sure they are attainable, then set goals in between to check your status. Are you living a better life? Are you loving more? Are you judging less? Are you controlling and manipulating less? Are you meeting the needs of others more?

Do these things and you will find strength, purpose and life. Ignore them and life will be miserable and the outcome predictable. Want more? Give more. Want less? Give less. Want your needs met? Meet the needs of others. Do you part then allow God to do His. He never fails.

Happy New Year!

Seth

Of all times for a marriage relationship to be in despair, the Christmas season may be the worst. A season where love is expected to abound, debts forgiven, peace on Earth and goodwill toward men proclaimed, it never seems quite so simple in marriage.

Many are decorating their tree alone this year. Some just wonder “what’s the point” and do nothing festive. Without our spouse, with whom we are accustomed to spending this time of year, it can often seem trivial and even heartbreaking to this year decorate or be joyful alone.

But before abandoning hope this year, may I suggest a pause, just a brief one, and remember a time in the lives of the Jews where they no longer ruled themselves but were ruled by the Romans. While not an altogether unpleasant experience it also wasn’t what was envisioned for the Jews. As they awaited the arrival of the Messiah, expecting a King and awaiting rescue and salvation, it came in a wholly different way.

In times of despair through dealings with the likes of Harod, the Jews missed the miracle taking place in a stable in Bethlehem. Waiting for a King, they received God in the form of a baby. Expecting triumph they received teachings, lessons about who God really is and what He really expects. Wanting a leader they received a servant. But most of all, they (we) received a sacrifice that would that would not pardon our sins, but justify us before a living and loving God.

As we wait for our miracles this Christmas, praying for God to show us His path for us and waiting on Him to lead us there, don’t forget to look in unexpected places, like in a manger. Or, like washing the feet of or dining with sinners.

You may even be the miracle for someone else this year, even though you….no, especially though you may be in shambles and hurting so badly; it’s His strength when we’re weak that makes it a miracle.

God has never had a problem making the impossible possible. Occasionally it’s us that just stands in the way.

Pray for marriages and families this Christmas…there is a lot of hurt out there all over. Everyone will benefit from all of our dedication to pray.

Merry Christmas,

Seth

He stumbled across the finish line a bit tired, a bit worn from a long distance traveled but incredibly satisfied. Satisfied not because he set any record time or because he previously thought he couldn’t do it, rather, satisfied that once again the belief in ‘slow and steady’ really did win the race. The hare, on the other hand, resting in his belief that a tortoise could never beat him in a race, still lay asleep on the other side of the finish line.

It’s always a good time to quit; it’s always an easy thing to do. Sometimes it’s the right thing to do. The question is more important, though; have you finished the race?

If you will, pause, as I did just now and contemplate that question and try and look at your life as it is right now. Ask it again…have you finished the race?

Your spouse may appear to be in control; nothing you can do to stop their hand; nothing you can do to stop them from fleeing to their lover’s arms and away from your love. Or, even if not sexually, mentally gone from you and you can’t seem to regain the lost love.

Before you quit; before you move on; before you walk away…have you finished the race? Can you look at your life and know the time to walk away is now? If you can’t, the race is probably still in motion and until it is finished you will not know what the outcome is. The underdogs can win the race – just ask Tim Tebow (and the fans of Alabama football). Because someone else has predicted your doom doesn’t meant anything. Until the last line of a book is written the plot can always change directions.

When is enough? When is it over? You’ll know, because…well, you’ll know. And until you do, it’s likely not over yet.

2 Timothy 4:7 – “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, and I have remained faithful.” NLT

Make this your aim this week…one step at a time, even slow, baby steps toward the finish line. Just head to the finish line and let God determine who gets there first!

Have a blessed week.

Seth

It’s getting colder each day as we near Winter and here in the Southern part of the U.S.A. there’s already talk of snow this weekend. I don’t know whether that will happen or not, but I do know that as it gets colder outside so we can choose to become warmer inside.

Now, I write today with a somewhat heavy heart; yesterday morning, at the company I worked for, the partners got into a disagreement over a website domain (.com) and its purpose and decided to just dissolve the portion of the company that I worked for, leaving me with a wife and 5 children and 3 weeks before Christmas jobless. So needless to say I am doing about as much encouraging myself as anyone else today. =)

And, if anyone planned to buy some of my books for gifts at Christmas, now would be a great time to do it!   If you’re like some people and want several for gifts then please let me know and I’ll work out a deal with you to get them into your hands.

But it all relates now too, my sadness, at times despair and wondering “why now?!” to all of us who have been through those questions with our spouse. There’s never a good or acceptable answer it seems, except to warm our hearts and be thankful for each day that we live and each day we choose to do what’s right over the opposite.

We can do this by reading God’s word and trying to understand how it is that He loves us when we traveled far away from Him and then choosing to do that for our spouse and our marriage.

We can do it by showing kindness and meekness when we are shown anger or nastiness from them.

We can do this by being thankful for our lives and God’s power to change us and not allow what we see or hear to deter us from our thanksgiving.

We can do it by showing kindness and help to those in need, especially this time of year but also all year round.

As hard as it can seem to take a negative situation to turn it into positive thinking and positive actions, the more you do it, the easier it becomes. And, everyone can do it!

So today, I’m thankful for my life and for my family. I’m thankful for the time I got to spend working at my job and I look for an even brighter future.

What about you?

Seth