To those standing for healing of a hurting marriage, I know these seasons can be painful at times and a constant reminder that things aren’t the way you wanted them to be.

Be encouraged though! As we enter a season where joy and love try to enter the hearts of even the normally more hardened there is always reason to sing, to praise and to love more.

Given a choice of calling down Angels to rescue Him from the cross or remaining on the cross and in turn rescuing a humanity in desperate need of a Savior, Jesus taught us how to love even through pain and even when not loved back.

And what was the result of that unnatural, undying love? Peter, devastated at his own personal failures became a staple for the unbelievers and a staple for our own walk with God; those who crucified Him began to worship Him, Saul who persecuted became Paul who changed the world with the message of the Cross and of His love. Loving changes you and those around you.

Maybe your spouse isn’t receptive to your love and wants nothing but separation and even denies love ever existed. Love anyway. Not obnoxiously, not “in your face”, but privately, showing love through your acts of kindness, not just to your spouse but those around you too while praying for them daily…not for God to destroy them, or even the “other person” if there is one, but instead for the same love that was shown on the Cross that changed the lives of those who were weak or afraid or even mean and nasty to people whose only desire became to sin less and follow God more.

Be thankful this week that you are becoming more Christ-like in your attitude and in your heart. Be thankful that He has given you hope because of His own Love.

Don’t let this be a week of discouragement, but a week of resolve to be thankful more and to love more. You can’t lose when what happens!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Seth

In Part Nine of my book “Seth’s Seashell Methods of Marriage” I go into greater detail on the power of the mind and what your life can be like if you make the decision now to live in a positive way. I don’t mean to throw another promotion at the book (see I did it again), I do enough of that already! But I bring it up because the power of the mind and how you handle situations greatly affects what happens in your life. Quite possibly it is the most powerful tool God gave us to dictate as much of our life as we are allowed. I believe that many people reading this article right now can think how their marriage might have turned out differently if they (or even their spouse) had a more positive outlook on life. Think of how many less fights, how many less sleepless nights and how many more joyful evenings would be spent together if we would only learn to choose to be positive.

Life is difficult for everyone and all people have their own struggles whether they be with marriage, children, finances, mortgages and on and on and maybe even all of the above. It’s how people choose to respond to those “crisis” moments that often dictate what will happen next.

This is just as important if you’re praying for the reconciliation of a marriage as it is if you’re just wanting to change your marriage that way it exists today. If you can make the decision to choose (and again I emphasize the word ‘choose’) to be positive regardless of what you see around you, regardless of the bill collectors calling the house, regardless if your spouse just hung up on you or walked out of your home or told lies and dirty things about you…….it is you that will be better off. It is you that will change and it is you that people will begin to want to know or be around or even help you to reconcile with your spouse. People don’t like to be around negative acting people. If you are one of those, you can change today!

God created our mind to be powerful and our senses to be sharp. You know when you start the day off wrong the rest of the day often follows suit. We see it happen all the time! So why do we continue not living out a positive life even though we can all stop and truly count the enormous blessings we have received? Often times it’s habit and habits are hard to break. Ever deal with a controlling spouse (are you a controlling spouse)? Yep, it’s hard to break. Habits become a way of life and changing them involves work and discipline. But as a parent who loves their children knows, effective discipline is a wonderful thing. Through it children grow to be good men and women. For us, we become stronger in our faith and in our homes. Being a positive-acting person is a reflection of Christ in us. The One who had the ultimate reason to be negative over His situation, yet never was.

Charles Swindoll put it this way:

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.

Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company… a church… a home.

The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past… we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude… I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.

And so it is with you… we are in charge of our attitudes

For a moment, reflect on your life and allow God to open your heart and your mind to where you need to change how you act. I will do the same with you. If you haven’t signed up to chat with other standers in our Marriage Walk Forum, do so if you like. It’s a great tool to encourage other standers in becoming more positive people. Become each others’ accountability partners and change your lives together!

Seth

I have a friend who tells the story of a couple of his friends who were driving down a Texas highway when they saw a bus full of Nuns sitting on the side of the road that had apparently run of out gas. Finding no gas can, the Nuns did find an old bed pan in the church bus and were forced to use it to funnel gas into their tank. Now they were pouring gas from this bed pan at the time these two men drove by and one man turned to the other slightly bewildered at what he had just seen and instantly proclaimed “Now that’s what I call faith!”. And of course, there’s a moral to this silly story and that being anyone who want to get anywhere in the Kingdom of God has to travel by faith. The only method of travel that God recognizes is travel by faith, even if there’s water in the way…..unless you want to be a boat potato.

In Matthew 14 we’re told the story of Jesus who came to the Apostles on the water, startling them at first. We remember Peter who called out saying ‘If it’s you, tell me to come to you on the water’. Jesus did and Peter came. We tell the story to our children reminding them of Peter’s moment of fear, his sinking into the water and Jesus’ rescue of him. ‘You of little faith…why did you doubt?’ He asks Peter.

Did Peter fail to complete his bold walk of faith?….yes, but I contend there were 11 bigger failures still sitting in the boat! Would you rather be an inept water walker or an inactive ‘boat potato’? I know I want to be the former.

Most of us can reflect back in our lives to times where we failed. Did our failures often come in trying to pursue greater faith or when we were further from faith and thus poor decisions crept into our lives?

Do you spend your time observing from the boat or attempting to reach a goal in your faith you never thought possible just minutes ago? A goal not conceivable until Jesus showed up.

Are you driven by faith to believe the impossible in your life and in your marriage or are you content to sit in the boat?

Faith doesn’t grow in stagnant waters. It grows when we make decisions to face tough times with God on our side instead of leaving Him to walk on the water alone. Without facing fears we have no idea where our faith lies.

I don’t want to leave this life knowing the bold prayers I never prayed and bold gifts I never gave because I never had enough faith that God would show up and that God would multiply what I could offer. I don’t want to die knowing I didn’t believe God was big enough or strong enough or cared enough to take me and make me what He wants me to be and what He has for my life. I want to die knowing that if I failed it was in an effort to grow my faith, to serve my God and not spending my time sitting in a boat watching others live with a joy that boat potatoes never know.

And it’s important to note that though Peter’s faith wavered then and even a second time not too long later, there would be no third time and guess what? Jesus never gave up on him. Kind of like most…no, all of us.

Now, we can’t end just yet – because the best is always saved for last. The story will end with redemption so that you (and I) can know that though we may have fallen (a few…or many times), our faith isn’t finished yet.

In John 21 Jesus has died and risen. The Apostles, not knowing what to do next, have gone back to the only life they’ve ever known before Jesus…fishing.  And Jesus shows up on the beach (oh how I love it when Jesus shows up! When He shows up, everything changes). He calls out to the Apostles, toss the net on the other side, and Peter gets it real quickly. He knows who it is and he wastes no time. While the others row up in their boat, Peter jumps in the water and swims to Jesus. How thrilled he must have been to see Jesus. What new resolve must have come into his heart that day. And after a beautiful story of Jesus not just firming up Peter’s faith with “Go feed my sheep” three times, He also told Peter how much faith he really had. He told Peter that ultimately he’d die for the sake of the Cross. And he did after leaving us with much wisdom to take from his life.

At what point are you at in your life right now? In your marriage? Is your resolve firm or is it on shaky ground? Where is your hope? If it’s in people, it’s in the wrong place. If it’s in finances, your Minister or your family, you will be disappointed. If your hope is in God, all things are possible.

30 seconds before, walking on water was impossible. 30 seconds later, Peter was doing the impossible. And keep in mind, Jesus didn’t say “Peter, come on out and walk on the water to Me”. It was Peter who said to Jesus “tell me to come to You”. Peter took the initiative and Jesus responded with a miracle.

Today, in your life and for your marriage can you pray this? Jesus, when I wake up tomorrow, give me a test that yesterday I never could have believed. Because I want to be more tomorrow than I am today. I want to live for You in a way I’ve never lived and I know without facing my fears with You, I can never learn to trust You. God, help me take the first step to get out of the boat so that I may walk on the water with You.

I believe God will answer a prayer like that. I believe no matter what your past is like there’s always the promise of a better life if you’ll take His gift. It’s already paid for. Your life will change, your marriage will change and if your spouse is separated from you know that God takes your vows seriously and He hears your prayers for your family.

God bless you this week. Get out of the boat!

Seth

What is success? How do you define it? You can ask that question to everyone you know and come up with several answers. Many people try to look successful that aren’t, others who may be very successful you might never know just by their appearance. Then again, what is success?

What the world calls great is actually not great at all according to the word of God. They say “that man has achieved greatness” because he can throw a football a long way or because he can drive a race car better and faster than another or because he hit a game winning homerun in the World Series. “She’s GREAT!” because she climbed the corporate ladder and became vice-president of a major company or because she started a business that became “successful” in the eyes of her peers.

Is that greatness? Or is it simply “Great-at-ness”? They’re great at throwing a football or great at driving a car or great at running a business. But that’s not greatness.

You probably know a story that most all of us have been told and possibly re-told. It talks about greatness…and great-at-ness.

See, there were some robbers in this story and they took a guy for everything he had but they weren’t done there – they beat the man and left him for dead. BUT some GREAT people came before it was too late. The man in the ditch still lived and the very people who could help came by. But the Priest just kept going. So did the Levite. Come on, these were two great men of God, right? I have no doubt these were great preachers – they knew the law up, down and sideways. They sure can tie a tie! They have no problems picking out what suit to wear on Sunday morning and preach about God and as they do…the man stays in the ditch.

So the under-educated, frowned upon and probably often times mocked by the very man he saw lying by the road Samaritan stopped, looked at the man, heart full of love and compassion and he did what should have been instinct to those who look good every Sunday morning, can quote law 10 times better than the Samaritan yet passed by on the other side. The Samaritan had the heart of Jesus.

The world would say the Priest and Levite were “Great” and successful. Jesus said they weren’t. They may have been great-at preaching, but they weren’t great. The Samaritan…we call him the “good” Samaritan. Jesus says he’s the Great Samaritan, because He says whoever wants to be great in the Kingdom of Heaven must be a servant first.

Just before Jesus told this parable in Luke 10 he was asked by an “Expert” in the law what must be done to  inherit eternal life and Jesus said He couldn’t give him one answer without giving him two because they don’t work without each other. He said ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’

He had to give two answers, because you can’t love the One you can’t see if you don’t love the ones you do see.

So what drives our desire for success? The new car, house, boat, esteem within our community or following or group? Are you driven by what others think of you or by what God thinks of you because they are two very different things.

When it’s over – nothing left to do or give – will you have achieved great-at-ness, or greatness.

As you think about your marriage, your spouse, your family…even your church – are you walking beside the hurting or are you walking toward them no matter what others think. Are you afraid for the dirty in our society to come into your home, to eat at your table? Do you even care what others would think if they did? If you do, God knows that too – and He’s ready to help you walk toward those who need you most – instead of away from them. He alone can you ease your fears and help you begin to forget what others think and rest in the joy of serving Him.

It’s easy to focus on our own hurts and pains, especially within a hurting marriage but joy comes when converting that pain to loving, giving and being a friend to those who need it. Can you convert depression, tears, anger, frustration and hopeless to changing someone else’s life? If you can then you begin to achieve true success and true greatness!

The rest is just commentary.

Seth

It was 1871. Horatio Spafford had recently lost his only son when Chicago was set ablaze…the Great Chicago fire which financially devastated the previously successful lawyer.

In a decision to get away and travel with his family to Europe, business issues in Chicago (in regards to the fire) caused him to send his wife and four daughters ahead and he would plan to meet them there.

While crossing the Atlantic Ocean, the S.S. Ville du Havre collided with another ship and sank there. All four of his daughters drowned. Spafford received word by telegram from his wife that said simply “Saved alone.”

Spafford left Chicago to meet his wife and while crossing the point in the Atlantic where his children had drowned he penned these words:

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Few things seem harder to deal with than the death of a child (or children) or the loss of anyone that is precious to us. That includes the loss of a spouse through separation or divorce…even if the separation is not physical but mental. The pain is real and deep. It’s a part of you that has been cut off and is missed deeply.

As you fight and pray for your spouse and for your marriage you will cross places that bring back memories you have of better times just as Spafford crossed the place his daughters died. Maybe it’s a special place you ate or where you were engaged or married or where your children were born. Maybe they are just memories you can’t get out of your mind (and maybe don’t want to). Can you look at those places and though saddened for the brokenness of today, stand up and say “It is well with my soul!” knowing that today is not the end? What you see in the natural often does not show what God is doing behind the scenes because He is working. He is always working.

He is the One who would leave the ninety-nine in search of one who is lost. -Matthew 18:12-14

You (and your spouse) are so important to Him that He’d go to the ends of the earth to find you and bring you home. He’ll do the same for your spouse. He proved it over and over in His word.

We’re praying for you today and for your marriage. Positive thoughts this week! Let nothing negative creep in.

While you fight and stand and pray for your marriage, can you say “It is well with my soul”?

God bless you this week.

Seth